Boundaries Are Fun: Copy paste replies to common (but sometimes unpleasant) questions.

Many of these came from my sex worker friends, and I don't take credit for any of them being particularly original or unique to me. They are just what I have saved in my phone to save myself time and energy, and a few that aren't necessarily useful to me but might be to you. I also tried to keep them job-neutral so FSSW, strippers, cam models, and everyone else can hopefully use a number of them.



Asking for anything that you don't offer:

"Thanks for asking! That's actually not on my personal menu, but I would love to refer you to (whoever I know and trust, who I have asked permission to refer work to) who does offer that service. Take care!"


Asking repeatedly for anything you don't offer:

"My boundaries are super important to me, as you can imagine. Because you keep asking about (sex, a specific act, whatever), I feel as if you don't respect my boundaries. That makes me feel concerned for my safety and wellbeing, so I am not going to be able to continue with this. Preying on workers with less experience or privilege than me in order to get this service is extremely predatory, so I sincerely hope that isn't your plan. Have a great day."


Haggling rates:

(Broke) "I try to be flexible with my rates, but that's a little outside of what I can offer you. Would $X work for you? That's $X less than my usual rate, but I am really excited to get to know you."

(Not broke) "I find that haggling sets an uncomfortable tone, and it's really important that we both feel comfortable, so I am going to have to sadly refuse you service. Have a great day and best of luck on your search!"


Asking for birth name:

"I actually go by Fancy in general! My mom has called me that since I was little, so it's easy to remember."


Discomfort with verification:

"My reputation depends upon my discretion, and my job depends upon my reputation. I assure you that your information is extraordinarily safe with me, and that my protocol for handling your extremely sensitive information is both secure and professional."


Refusal to verify:

"My safety and life are at risk, while only your reputation is. You are more likely to be robbed at an ATM than when seeing a sex worker, and far more likely to go to jail for a DUI than seeing me. However, my life is 400x more at risk than any other industry. The risk of me experiencing violence at work are much higher than that. So I take necessary precautions to feel safe enough to allow you into my life in an intimate way, and that is why I am not dead yet. I don't ever see anyone who doesn't respect my comfort and safety, so we are not going to meet. I hope you do not seek out less privileged workers who are willing to work less safely, encouraging them to put their own safety at risk for your comfort. Their next client may be a serial predator, even if you were not."


Asking for verification info in return:

"The goal of verification is to mitigate the risk to my life and safety, and giving you my personal information doesn't serve that purpose. In fact, it would do quite the opposite. Not only is that unheard of in the industry, but it's counterproductive. My reviews/references/reputation is all you should need to feel safe with me, and if not, I understand but will be unable to provide you with potentially life-threatening information about myself. I have dozens of clients who have yet to be robbed, murdered, or assaulted by me and who don't have and have never asked for my personal information."


So-and-so does/charges/asks for X:

"That's great! I, however, do not. Like any other profession, we are all unique individuals with different boundaries. You will not manipulate me into wavering on my boundaries by comparing me to another worker in my industry. Have a nice day."


Last minute cancelations:

"Actually, it's too late to cancel your appointment free of charge. If you'd like to reschedule, you can pay for your next appointment in full to hold the spot. If not, it will cost $X to cancel and remain in good standing, payable to @fhkrjhlja on squarecash."


Not-so-last-minute cancelations:

"I'm really sorry to hear that! I hope everything is okay. I really appreciate you giving me plenty of notice. I'd love to reschedule you for X/X at X or X if you are free!"

Comments

  1. Sadly, I've seen a lot of unprofessionalism on both sides of the hobby. I've never understood it really, because for the women, it only makes sense to treat people right so they'll make return visits. For the guys, sadly, too many reduce the women they visit to inanimate objects. The whole experience is much more enjoyable when both people (or more😉) bring a little humanity to their time together.

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    1. I agree wholeheartedly! One caveat is that I don't think we as workers owe more than basic politeness and professionalism until a client has shown in some way that they are serious. Time wasters are a huge problem in the industry, and create a ton of invisible emotional and intellectual labor for us. Other than the necessary shortness or even occasional extremely firm boundary setting on the part of providers, I agree that everyone needs to be respectful and kind.

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